Food For Thought: Fear of Rejection
Updated: Apr 1, 2019
Recently I have been working on taking Reluctant Housewife to the next level. It’s an exciting process and I’m loving every moment of it, despite some uncomfortableness. That uncomfortableness being asked who are you and who is Reluctant Housewife? Every meeting feels like a deep therapy session to see what makes me tick and how to sell that. My head literally hurts after.
My producer Melinda had recently asked me if I could start opening up about my life a little more in episodes and on the website. It only makes sense. You want to feel like you relate to the person you’re watching. But, instantly the thought of that made me clam up. While I can light up on camera, I’m a pretty low key person in real life. I like keeping to myself. I’m a huge reader. I like my alone time. And, I don’t like to open up on social media about much, if at all. So, while I knew she was right it was a scary thing to start doing.
I had to feel my fear and do it anyway.
The underlying fear is of course rejection. Rejection for not seeming perfect, which up until recently I didn’t realize I was trying to be. Now, we all know no one is perfect even when they put up a pretty convincing facade that they are. The perfect relationship, the perfect career, the perfect hair-- it’s a lot to live up to when you’re just trying to figure it all out. But, to start talking about those feelings and insecurities in a world where everyone is trying to convince you that they have it all figured out can be overwhelming. Even now I’m slightly hesitant to talk about this because deep down I just want to keep the ugly, broken parts of me hidden. It’s not pretty.
One of the scariest things for me to do last year was admit that not only am I not a wife, but that I had recently become single. The brand I had been building was all about having a partner and a life with someone, albeit in the background. While I had had that for nearly four years and I felt married I wasn’t. When I became single last summer it made me wonder if I had suddenly become a fraud. To some it seems like a non-issue. Like, how does being a wife or a housewife even matter these days when women are so independent and capable of anything they want on their own? The name does have reluctant in it after all? Even though I have always been a strong, very independent woman oddly this really made me pause. As much as I wanted to believe being single didn’t matter it did for me at first. I felt like a failure. To me all of the hard work I had put into an already doomed relationship left me exhausted. Then to top it off while most of my friends are happily married here I am without a partner calling myself a housewife. You can imagine the ping pong war going on in my head of how to feel about it all.
Luckily, I didn’t let something like becoming single stop me. Sure, I felt embarrassed for some time. But then I found that #housewifing was something anyone could do, even if you’re #househusbanding. Shout out to my single guys or stay at home dads/husbands/boyfriends out there! I'm all about inclusion here! I still wanted to make nice dinners and DIY and home renovate. Who cares if I did it alone? Honestly, I had been doing it alone for years anyway, what was the difference? It became empowering talking to a new audience and feeling like I had an even stronger idea of what people want. I could better answer those deep therapy questions about who I was and who Reluctant Housewife was in meetings. I was getting a stronger sense of self and it felt great.
Sometimes letting people know you’re a little bit broken can be the breaking open of a whole new you. For honoring the pains of your past people can better understand how you will make your future. You can let go and be a more authentic person. It might be scary walking into the fire, but the other side is always worth it.
So stop hiding behind your facade, you job, your partner, your perfect hair. Just stop. Let it go and admit that you’re an amazing person no matter what you’ve been through. Don’t be afraid of rejection, embrace the uncomfortableness. When you feel that fear just let it pass through you. Acknowledge it, but don’t let it make a home. Just speak your truth and keep moving. You could be the one to let the people around you feel safe enough to speak their truth and so the ripple begins. And, that’s the kind of ripple effect this world could use a little more of.
Your Reluctant Housewife,